ellaellaeh

YIII, i'm going on a hiatus!
I SWEAR I MEAN IT THIS TIME.
i just wanted to blog about the dress. :) and the Chelsea-missing.

god nothing's going as planned nowadays, and i really really hate it. i'm going to cry again soon, i swear.

and you know what's worse? guess what i'm like, totally in the mood to listen to on repeat right now?
I Won't Disagree by Kate Voegele.
-the song that NEVER fails to make me sob like a baby. god, this sucks.

gosh, so what made me stop my hiatus? the tagged thing going on again. ;)
HAHAHHA.
okay, so i was reading Sarr's blog and i noticed the woman di'nt tag me! THE NERVE. :P
then i checked out Rcheller's, and saw she tagged me. and saw one of the rules; no tagbacks. x)

and so..

The rules:

1. State 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
   
2. The 10 people I tag are then to follow and write their own 15 weird things/ habits/ little known facts.
   
3. Most importantly, NO TAGBACKS

The 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about me!

1. i like the smell of gasoline. and that weird glue thing you use for your shoes that has a funky smell? i love it. :) i know, i know. i could be some kind of addict for that. but i'm not alone! apparently, Eddie likes the smells too. :)
   
2. i refuse to watch any medical movies/shows without a sufficient amount of organs exposed or blood spilling out. seriously, i like seeing guts. i like it when they cut the skin and blood starts gushing out. gory? morbid? :3
3. i enjoy crying. i WANT to cry, most of the time. when i need to cry and just cant get it out, i listen to sob songs or i watch totally sob movies which i did a couple of days ago cause i was in major need of a sob. i watched that korean movie, made me cry like a bitch. :(
4. love songs make me cry, yeeah weird? it's supposed to make me kilig-kilig and stuff, but instead it makes me cry? i dont know, i'm weird that way.
   
5. i'm always hungry. always, 24/7.
   
6. i daydream to the extent where it isnt even suitable anymore! like, i daydream about.. being discovered humming to myself while scrubbing the floor outside my house by Nick Jonas and we become partners and sing a million #1 hits. GAH, im doing it again. not good!
7. i find comfort in Meredith Grey's totally dark and broody moody quotes. weird? totally.
8. when i get a slice of lemon from.. somewhere anywhere. i suck on it for a bit till my lips look totally puckered up. ish, bad habit? :d
9. i'm the poster child for procrastinating. no, seriously.
10. i hate the word 'pathetic'. no not seeing the word really, HEARING someone say it. it's so. URRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. and other big words people dont even KNOW how to place in a sentence.
11. i get happy when i hear a sentence, just one sentence with a couple of words, that totally relate to my feelings. :)
12. i get emotionally involved with EVERYTHING and ANYTHING i read. like right now, i have the fear of finishing off my Atonement book because it just plain annoys me how Briony ruin the love story! I HATE IT. another example? me not finishing 21 yet because of fear of watching Jim Sturgess getting beat up by some old guy for gambling.
13. i cant decide if i'm actually a girlygirl or a tomboyboy. cause, entah eh. i would describe myself as a tomboyboy, but i enjoy the pretty dresses, the pretty shoes, the pretty bags the pretty EVERYTHING. i enjoy being pretty, but i dont like the work or the feeling. how weird is taht, i enjoy being something but i dont like the feeling! GAH.
14. i like making characters in my head. and making up names, oh gosh i love making up names. i've made up the names i want for my future babies already. :) (L)
15. i base my day dream's on thw what-if's in my life. :)

ish, not interesting enough? deal with it!

i therefore tag..
-Niks
-Andy
-Aime
-Rach.

erryone else has been tagged by other people? :)
-
resume hiatus! (L)

a teenage vow in a parking lot, till tonight do us part.
i sing the blues and swallow them too.
-Hum Hallelujah; Fall Out Boy.

while reading Chelsea's latest blog post, i couldn't help but hum this line in my head. well, more like the first line really.
have you read it? yes, no? well, if you have. then you'd understand what the line was all about.
ill copy and paste the highlights.

Honestly, I do. I miss those people who’ve left for someplace beyond this place. Not in a dying kind of way, I mean leaving, as in going somewhere else leaving us here. I’m not saying we’re rotting with misery here, we’re not. Honestly, we aren’t. At least, I’m not. I just miss them, that’s all.

And Ella. I mean, she’s in a different school now with a whole new set of buddies. I know she’s having the time of her life at St George’s. Hey Ells, I know you’re reading this, just wanted to say we miss you and it’s not the same with the shorty here by our side, constantly snapping photographs with her phone.

And you know, Eddie’s leaving. That’s just...uuurgh. Eddie, one of the awesomest people I know, is leaving next year. For some other school (can’t blame him though). Man.

I suppose everyone WILL leave and the only way to escape it is to leave yourself. Just go then. There’s isn’t much to do but get over it and move yourself.

So many close and somewhat close people gone and going in less than just nine months. I guess there’s nothing really we can do but make the most of who and what we’ve got left because they could leave, anytime, and without warning just like Chi and Ells. They just leave, don’t they? They rarely ever turn back and find our paths crossed.

One by one the bestfriends leave. Please, please don’t tell me Aikks is leaving next, I do not know how I can cope with that. Haz is leaving for college and so is Kevin. So there really is a downside to having friends in different grades. They just graduate and leave huh?

And when we, I graduate, I suppose we’d all have to split up at the crossroads. Not knowing if ever again we’d see each other. Would we even remember? I had so many memories from kindergarten, so many friends, but I can’t even remember half of them. Is that the same then, later? We’d store the memories, locked up in our heads, to forget the friends we swore we won’t?

So as the days turn to weeks turn to months turn to years, the faces that used to be beside you, promising not to let go, not to forget, start to walk away and be replaced by the mere photographs you hold in your hands. I guess that’s just how it goes.

And we move along.

- Chelsea.

these are just the highlights people, click on Chels' name to read the full thing. :)

first off, i'd like to say. i may have my own awesome bunch of friends over here, but it doesnt mean i miss you any less. believe me there are times when a friend of mine says some thing funny, and i laugh and look around to see if you guys find it funny too. guess what, you guys arent there.
every single time i laugh, i wish you guys were there. it's no fun being an Aichella without the AICH. xD you guys have been there since what, 3rd, 4th grade? gah.
and the 2Aer, or 3Aer. i love my 3Ber like seriously, but i miss them too. Chewy especially :) [GOOD NEWS, EDDIE SAYS HE MIGHT BE TRANSFERRING TO SGS NEXT YEAR! XD]

i give her credit for being able to list all those people down man, i swear i would cry.
but i'm willing to risk it, and start listing people down here. because my blog need's to know the people who came in and out of my life, to know me. :)

i remember, there's Jannah Valerie. no, woman i havent forgotten you. you were the awesome best friend i had when i developed feelings for "boys." HAHAHHA. bestfriend's, primary 5. we drifted away, primary 6 because we were put into different classes.

i remmeber Klarizza Aggabao. the girlygirlycoolcoooooool bestfriend who i loved like a crazy person. :) she, Jannah and I were like the trio. she moved away before Primary 6, she's in Florida now, no shit. and she's gorgeous, i have her Friendster. i visit it regularly. :)

there was also Elaine, she was my best friend like, primary something. no not the Pinoy one, the Chinese wan. :) i know, i know she may be like a dog to Nicholle but she's the nicest person. the only reason we stopped being friends was Nicholle herself. grr.

then, there's the infamous Darwin Jesse Batiao. GOD, I MISS THAT BOY. everyone literally teased and taunted him because he seemed "gay." oh, hell no you di'nt. he isn't gay okay. he was just raised that way, seriously. everyone taunted him for me being his absolute best friend, i still dont get why. especially Jonathan and that group, calling him gay and stuff. grr. i hated it when they did that, because Dar was the best guy friend a girl could have. :) i remember he moved away to Nusa Leila for Form 1, and every single week. every single Friday of the week, he wouldn't fail to call me up and ask about my week. then, we'd totally have a talkfest about everything and anything we havent filled each other in. he went back to Phils last year, but i saw him again THIS YEAR! GOD, HE'S TALL NOW. i went Mall-ing with him, and it was fun. :)

there's Wathmi, my cool Sri Lankan bestie when i was a total loner, back in Primary 4.

there's Kuya Amboy and Kuya Joel Libut, the brothers who lived with me while i was a kid. Amboy, who was widely known as Josef in school, was my total best friend. he was a year older than me, and he had the super cool best friends! like Ate Jan Jan and yeah. HAHA. yeah, i still remember her! she's Form 5 or 6 now if not mistaken. she was gorgeous. :) he was the one who heard about all the guys i thought i liked, all the girls i thought were really mean and stuff. ish, he was like a girlfriend to me. Kuya Joel was a different story, he was the parent of the three of us.
we parted when they moved to Phils and our family moved to a smaller home. i miss them, they're all scattered across the globe now. and not in a good way. :S
i miss Kuya Amboy, i wonder how he's doing. hmm.

there's Kinzanoor Danish, the Pakistani bestfriend from primary 5 to primary 6. yes, secondary ruined us when they put us in classes so far from each other. we got our own friends, (me the Aichellas and 1Aers; Liz, Anand, Ed.. that time. she had Srinidhi and.. yeah.) and it drove us apart. she moved to JIS two years ago, and i hear she is absolutely loving it there. she's still online in my Windows Live Contacts, but we never talk anymore. i see her sometimes in The Mall with her friends, and we exchange a wave.

ish, there's more really. :) there's Donna too, but i never really was too close to her. :(
im sorry if i didnt mention you, dont worry i still love you to death. there's just people's names going in and out of my head and yeah. i miss them.

i absolutely without a doubt love my friends in SGS now. :) but i [and Damia, i know she told me :D] cant help but WISH that there was a way to mix and match our PDS & SGS friends into one school. gosh.

heh, last year i was super close to erryone in Form 2, i had kiddies who looked up to me in Form 1 (AUMG, I MISS JASMINE GARDEQUE!), and i had Kuya's in Form 4.
now, it's just us Form 3's, and my favourite Form 4's. i love. :)

***

eek, going totally off topic. i ran into this pretty little dress in this pretty shop in QLAP Mall just now, and i met my perfect prom dress. refer to the picture i've posted up in my about me section. :) i love the hat.
i had mom ask them if i could try it on, and they said i looked like a total princess. luckily, Mommy has gotten closey-close with the people of the shop and were willing to give us a 20 per cent discount while she told erryone else that the dresses were ALREADY discounted.
the dress was 55.90, she was willing to give it off for 45.00
BUT SADLY, we dont even have THAT much dough. but mommy reserved it, for me. which made me happy. :) closer look? here. it reaches till my knees. :) i looked like a princess.

i came online being all emo and scared about something, looking for Niks. she wasnt online so i went for the next best thing, blogging. talk to you later Niks? :) if i'm not YFing that is. which i sorta wish i was? :)



reasons for the upcoming hiatus?
1. the most probable reason, mocks tomorrow.
2. my current state of depression, yesterday was an absolute sob fest for me.
3. my completely fucked up internet connection, which is currently sucking up to me which is good.

so, readers, i wont be posting but I'll be online. i wont be Online on my Windows Live list, i have my reasons. so if you need to get in touch, my phone's on me 24/7.

wish me luck, and wish me better.

by the way, I've changed my layout. i just need to change the totally light blue color that my eyes detests, i need a color list thing. gah, help?

Dear Chels, Aikks: ill talk to you guys soon, call me? or I'll call you. :) don't worry about disturbing me while I'm on the total verge of overfilling my brain with information i may or may not even need for future reference. i need the distractions, especially from you two dumb heads. :)

this message also goes for anyone who fears disturbing me while im buried in my textbooks, i'd need the distraction. :)

goodbye, JB.

ish, erryone has free period now! well, only the one's whose done their 2004 essay paper. :)
and i'm one of them! rajin, kaliah! (A)
so, yesterday. i din't get to online kaliah. the thunder and lightning were intense like a bitch. it's always like this like, erry fricking day.
so, i got into this intense obsession with Spider Solitaire with my brother. while msg-ing Jol. :)

before class, i was at 4b and bluetooth-ing cool songs from Andy's phone. our conversation went like this,
Andy: i miss Chels.
JB: ME TOOOO!
Andy: i miss Aikks too. but i miss Chels more.
JB: why? when i miss one, i miss the other.
Andy: not really, see when you miss me, you miss Joel more. it's a feeling, because you love Joel and you dont love me as much. right, right?
*Joel looks at Andy in a way, i dont get? haha..
JB: riiight.

today is not a good day. and there isn't even any reason for it. it's just so freaking emotional, i spent whole two period's of math's being all emo and quiet like a bitch, for no reason whatsoever.
and then during break, i was at 4b's, my hangout domain now :P, with ruth & andy and such when i was listening to I Wont Disagree by Kate Voegele, when i cried. i started to fucking cry, for no reason like a bitch.
Andy cheered me up, with the hugging, the upbeat cool music and the "JASMINE JEALOUSSSS!" HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
cause, while i was all emo, he hugged me from behind and he noticed Jas' looking. and he started going like. "JASMINE JEEEALOUUUUS. I SAW IT IN YOUR EYES YOU WANTED TO KILL JAYBEE! or you wanted to BE JAYBEE! JEEEALLLOUUUUUUSSSS."
stupid, like srsly. HAHA. cheered me up like a bitch. :)

and when i asked Andy for earphones, he gave me his earphones AND his phone! HAHA. so during Geo, when Ms. Chin totally got sick of my being so suck-upish and answering all the questions, i started exploring his phone. and i'm proud to say i totally know how to workit now. :D

meanwhile, Siew is poking fun at me with all the teasing. like seriously, she LIKES teasing me. HAHA. she has fun watching me squirm. tsktsk. and she knows exactly HOW to make me squirm. gah. love you siewwwww. (L) ;3

ish, that ends the day. well, it's only after breaktime now. :)
i miss Joel like a bitch. ish, you have no idea how much my seatmate's hate me right now because whenever i even catch a sight of him, i start hitting the person right next to me, it's extremely psycho. except of course, when Siew sits next to me. i wont do that, cause then. she'll totally get all nuts on me witht he teasing.

AUMGGGG, MOCKS ON SATURDAY. EFF IT. :(

***
i'm happy, i opened my Friendster to New Comments:
THREE OF EM.


are loovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee.
haihai, seriously.

daddy, get ready for major major whining and, and wanting and sweet talking for an iPod Video! :)

what got my iPod wanting? Niks wan, so pretty. and the songs innit are so lawa. ish, like srsly.
tapi, got to bring home Fatenn's wan. American Pie by Matchbox Twenty is in repeat, on the thing and on my head. like srsly. lawa bah!

***
today, bad day. well okay day, but still. reasons for today to be considered a bad day?

• i tripped pulling on Fang Yi's hair in front of the whole school compound.
  
• therefore gasgas-ing my left knee. and it hurting like a total bitch.
• panicked when aime suggested putting alcohol on it. because i use betadine, not alcohol.
• flinched like hell when Aime dabbed my injured knee with alcohol while Niks and Jas were blowing it and Jol and Andy were watching.
• i was very very nervous about Malay Oral's.
• then realized i forgot my IC at home.
• ran home with Dilly, result? sweaty.
  
• and there were white shit on my face. thanks to the umbrella.
• i was called in without being able to look at the mirror!
  
• stuttered, and didnt answer correctly. :(
  
• i didn't hug jol.
  

reasons for it to be considered a good day?

• i got to borrow Niks iPod for the whole after-break periods. :)
• Siew teased me like nuts about Jol. she seriously likes doing that. i like the teasing. HAHA.
• i gossiped with the girlfriends about dimples on guys!
• because of seeing Justin, my baby brother slash nephew-son-guy-person.
• and a hella lotta laughs after seeing a cute but really fat chinese kid.
  
• talked about dimples, dimples, dimples. on guys. O.O not on kids, on.. guys. HAHA.
• saw, Joel. :)
  
• ANNNND, the currently ongoing textfest with Jol. :)

you pick, good day bad day? P.S. the laughs, gossiping, boytalk-ing, iPod-ing and errything Joel gets extra consideration! :)

im too lazy to blog, so i leave with quotes from Grey's Anatomy.
seriously, they have the best quotes.
no, im not just kidding around when i say best. i mean it, best.

We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

Meredith Grey

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.

Meredith Grey

For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.

Alex Karev

Meredith Grey: You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true

Meredith Grey: At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

Meredith Grey: Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

Meredith Grey: Intimacy is a four syllable word for, "Here's my heart and soul, please grind them into hamburger, and enjoy." It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's... relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape. And other things you just don't want to know.

Meredith Grey: I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.

Meredith Grey: Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

Dr. Meredith Grey: I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope...

Dr. Meredith Grey: Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Dr. Meredith Grey: Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean.

Dr. Meredith Grey: I have an aunt who whenever she poured anything for you she would say "Say when". My aunt would say "Say when" and of course, we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better.

---

Dr. Meredith Grey: To be a good surgeon, you have to think like a surgeon. Emotions are messy. Tuck them neatly away and step into a clean, sterile room where the procedure is simple. Cut, suture, close. But sometimes you're faced to a cut that won't heal. A cut that rips its stitches wide open.

Dr. Meredith Grey: There's something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless. And all we want, is more.

---

Dr. Meredith Grey: Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

Dr. Meredith Grey: No-one likes to lose control, but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness, of not being up to the task. And still there are times when it just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning and you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except there's an upside to freefalling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you.

Dr. Meredith Grey: The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth right in front of our faces.

Dr. Meredith Grey: At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

Dr. Meredith Grey: Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. "No man is an island entire unto himself." Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. And who's to say that someone can't have four legs. Someone to play with or run around with, or just hang out.

Dr. Meredith Grey: When you were a kid, it was Halloween candy. You hid it from your parents and you ate it until you got sick. In college, it was the heavy combo of youth, tequila and well, you know. As a surgeon, you take as much of the good as you can get because it doesn't come around nearly as often as it should. 'Cause good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing.

Dr. Meredith Grey: How do you know when how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask... And when is it all just too much to bear?

Denny Duquette: I've been lying in this bed for close to a year, and I've had a lot of time to look back on my life. And the things that I remember best - those are the things I wasn't supposed to do and I did them anyway. The thing is, life is too damn short to be following these rules.

---

Dr. Miranda Bailey: Look at this. Everybody wants a life without pain. And what does it get you? She needs to be on a poster somewhere to remind people, pain is there for a reason.

---

Dr. Meredith Grey: The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good. And twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad. And no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something. And there is only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomachache. And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.

---

Dr. Meredith Grey: At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

Dr. Derek Shepherd: So, who's next, Alex? He likes to sleep around... you two have that in common.
Dr. Meredith Grey: You don't get to call me a whore! When I met you, I thought I had met the person I would spend then rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues... who cared? Because I was done. You left me! You chose Addison! I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore!

---

Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I'm a pretty girl.
Dr. Richard Webber: What?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I'm not being arrogant, it's just... it's just kinda a fact. For a long time I made a career for my looks, so I get it. I'm a pretty girl. And not from a certain angle way, in an obvious way. It's the blonde thing, and the big boobs thing. Big boobs are key to obvious pretty, if you know what I'm saying.
Dr. Richard Webber: Dr. Stevens...
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: That's how men see me. I'm not a smart girl or an interesting girl. I'm a pretty girl. The blonde and the boobs confuses guys into thinking that I'm someone else. And I'm used to it. I'm used to them walking away when they realize... but then Denny goes and asks me to marry him.
Dr. Richard Webber: Is that why you cut the wires?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: He doesn't make me feel like I'm a pretty girl. He makes me feel like... like me. I think he might know me. And so if I did cut the L-Vad wire, and I'm not saying I did, but if I did then no. I don't feel guilty. And I know that I should and I would if it were anybody else. But I can't feel anything but happy.

Dr. Derek Shepherd: It's not the chase.
Dr. Meredith Grey: What?
Dr. Derek Shepherd: You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's... it's your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair.
Dr. Meredith Grey: My hair?
Dr. Derek Shepherd: It smells good. And you're very, very ballsy. It keeps me in line.
Dr. Meredith Grey: I'm still not going out with you.
Dr. Derek Shepherd: You say that now...

Meredith Grey
The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.

Derek Shepherd
[to Meredith who is drinking tequila and dancing in her front lawn] So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila? Tequila's no good for you. It doesn't call, doesn't write, not nearly as much fun to wake up to.

SURVEYYY'S! :D

ask them? haha, naww. prolly, happy go lucky? hyper? jumpy? makulet? you get me? haha.
you're talking to the President of the F3B book club here. ;)
at times i could be? :)
THEMMM!!
i dont BAKE cakes. but i have baked one before. :)


10.17pm: UPDATED, checkout the bottom wan. :)

that's how long i'll have to wait to get the new Jonas Brothers album. no, no not that one. the new one, A Little Bit Longer. ;)
and have you heard the song titled for the album? it's by Nick Jonas alone, and it's quite sad actually. it's all about his struggle with diabetes. if you havent heard, he's got type 1 diabetes, and its incurable. gosh.

this afternoon, Rachel was telling me something about the Jonas Brothers being in yesterday's paper ( A WHOLE PAGE YO!) and her sister was talking about them nonstop. well, i read it while i was eating dinner at that restaurant and mommy was looking very smirk-y and my brother even rolled his eyes when i grabbed for yesterday's newspaper to look for that ONE article Rach was talking about.
when i found it, i swear i was going to JUMP for joy. :D thank goodness i didnt. haha.

***
I'VE FINALLY FINALLY STARTED STUDYING. during church, not proud of it but i just didnt get the sermon O.O, history form three though. shit about Hitler, the UMNO and yeah.
but after like, an hour of studying, i put my books down and started song-updating Rach and her me.
it's a weekly ritual, our song updating. we list songs we both think each other would like and we'd checkit out. today's list from her is..
Look Out Sunshine by The Fratellis
That's Not My Name by The Ting Ting's
Fruit Machine by The Ting Tings.
Naive by Lily Allen and
BTC Nunga by Sway. (wrong, or what? i cant read it properly. :P)

Rach has got a sorta different music taste, and it's really really cool. like, she doesnt follow the MTV trend's of rock and roll and pop. but she likes the indie, upbeat-y ones.
like, i cant explain. but lets see,
Charlotte Sometimes, The Ting Ting's, Adele, a little bit of Duffy and The Kooks. gets? :)

i love Charlotte Sometimes now, cause of her. ish.


***
AUMG, I CAN WATCH FRED VIDEOS ON SARAH'S BLOG! YE-HEYY!
see, when i try to go on YouTube, it wont fucking play. at all, im so pissed mostly. it keeps telling me to download the shit, i download it a billion times it still wont play.
YAY, FREDDD!

(L)

-jaybee misses jol.

update! update!
on my second Fred video right now! yes, my internet connection is THAT slow. :( takes, about half an hour to load a 3minute video. another reason i love JoBro Blog Vidz, they mostly last less than a minute. not one vid blog goes on for two minutes. :D

he looks like the younger Brent Corrigan actually! Niks words, but i totally agree. refresh memories? x) Brent Corrigan, during me and Niks crazy Model Mayhen-ing days, we stumbled upon two major MAJORRR hotties. Brent Corrigan and Frank Fanucchi. i took Brent, she took Frank. there were a hell of a lot more, but they were our number one picks. :)

oh yeah. their pornstars. -.-

i made up a character in my head, think Nick Jonas. but taller, older and geekier. :D
geeks are LOVVVEEEEEE. x)
feedback, feedback?

Knight Monroe Becker.

okay, so my mom was one of those who had their kid's names planned out when they were, what?, 14? yeah. but listen. i hear anyone calling me anything else other than Knight i will personally do you the honour of being skinned alive. i hear it's quite lovely actually.

i'm sixteen, and no i do not have a corny high school label. because where i'm from, everyone's friends with everyone. jocks, geeks, druggies, we mix. just no backstabbing, or we'll do some serious front stabbing. and kicking. and punching. well, you get the idea. if you are a fake, poser, wannabe loser then you dont belong here. everyone's got everyone's backs, and yeah. it's actually to be expected of us really, Loyal High School's our home away from home. well, our homehome really.
cause, dont get us wrong, we love our family and everything. but we're just a lot closer to our friends, our teachers even. but not as close with the parents. i dont know why.

i'm quite popular, but i dont play sports. at all. well, the occasional basketball and soccer here and there, but nothing major. im not on any sports team, im not in any club. i'm just a kid, who wants to play his guitar to Patrick Stump's vocals. i'm smart, hell yeah. cum laude of my year, bitches. yet, i rarely hit the books. when i find myself recalling the day's lessons, i find them all permanently stored in my head. how cool is that, to have a storage device in my brain! most kids would kill for that yo.

okay, see that? i get excited when it comes to gadgets and stuff. yep, there's my passion right there. so, yes i'm a nerd. but a pretty hot one at that. i hear girls hearts stop when i walk across them in the hallways. no, im serious! apparently, it's the green eyes. and the messy unkempt hair. and also the fact that most girls would kill to have a body like mine.
i dont recognize myself when i look into the mirror. when i look into the mirror, im prepared to see a tall, skinny, white boy with dull grey eyes and messy hair. imagine my shock when i see a white boy with the most interesting eyes? yes, green with tiny specks of grey. or grey with tiny specks of green. it's a mystery to everyone around me really. even my mom doesnt get it, she's a natural brown eyed Filipina, you see. my dad's the brunette Americano with the green eyes. i dont get the grey though, where did that come from?

ish, yeah that's all i got for now. anyone, continue? :D
*nudges Niks roleplaying skills. :P HAHAHHAHA.

bah, bah. i've got this one last Fred Vid i gotta watch, and im off to bed. my aching body needs its rest, heller!
oh and did i mention it hurts to TRY and crack my neck, or turn around. like seriously, hurts like a bitch. :(

nights!

darlinks.

way back when

thankyouu.